My hubby finally comes home today! This was yet another 2 week deployment and he was gone an extra 6 days because of Joaquin – side note: I am so proud of the efforts of our Coast Guard!
I’ll be the first to admit: I don’t handle Joe coming back well.
Not that I don’t love my husband. I miss him like crazy! I cannot wait to see him! I hate sleeping alone and end up staying awake past midnight almost every night he’s gone. I freak out over every little noise, sure someone is breaking into the house. Then I troubleshoot how I am going to get to the other side of the house to get Jackson. What happens if I have to shoot an intruder who is standing in between me and Jackson? Do I shoot with Jackson’s room behind him?? Oh, maybe it was nothing…back to Candy Crush to take my mind off of it.
Then there is the whole single parenting thing – it’s not easy and I commend every parent raising kiddos on their own. Jackson is working on his last three teeth, so he’s been a little fussy. It’s also been the month of throw it on the ground and say “uh-oh” over and over until Mom picks it up. FUN.
I don’t ever go work out because I feel silly asking someone to watch Jackson so I can get to the gym.
I don’t like cooking for one person. (or for 1 1/2 people)
I hate taking the trash out.
I don’t like doing the last sweep through the house at night, checking all the doors, and turning on the alarm.
But still, I have a hard time letting Joe back in.
I’m sure I’m not the only one, but I’m pretty independent. Joe’s deployments are just long enough for me to figure out how to function without him. I get a routine down. Survival mode turns into “okay, I’ve got this.”
Then Joe comes home and suddenly his shoes are where he always puts them. The chair he sits on to take them off is pulled out from the table and not put back. He lets the dog out and doesn’t lock it when he lets her back in and we end up sleeping all night with the back door unlocked! I give Jackson a bath like I do every night, but now I’m spending it frustrated that Joe isn’t helping. (even though I didn’t ask for help)
Suddenly cheese and wine, or a bowl of Cheerios isn’t an appropriate dinner. Then I have to make dinner, then clean up afterwards. I seriously think I might have run the dishwasher 4 times while Joe was gone for 3 weeks. And I had people over twice. (Speaking of dinner, I need to get to the grocery store)
Joe really does like things tidy – and is way cleaner than I am by far – so I can’t leave my clothes on the bathroom floor. And for some reason, it frustrates him when I use my sink as a laundry basket/junk drawer and use his sink to brush my teeth. I realize there are clothes all over the house somehow and that I probably need to downgrade the toys.
Then when I do ask Joe for help…
He doesn’t do it right.
I mean, how self focused can I be? I spend the entire time he’s gone missing him. Then he comes home and I spend my time judging him and resenting him.
I recently had this conversation in my mind deciding that I am going to make our bed every single day. Here’s how it went:
Me: Well, if I’m going to make the bed every day, Joe is going to have to make his side when he gets up. He likes to push the sheets down and messes up everything, so he will definitely have to make his side of the bed. And not wake me up while doing it.
God: Or you could just serve him.
Me: Gosh Lauren, you are so selfish. (in the tone of that one Veggie Tales show)
The day Joe left, I had my small group start praying that reintegration would go well this time around. I want my husband to come home and feel home, feel loved, feel missed. I wouldn’t want to be loved the way I love my hubby sometimes. I want to love him well.
Anyone else have a hard time with reintegration?